Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Oh, the humanity!

Things are getting pretty crazy at work. We've had about 20-30 people waiting to speak to a counselor for the last two weeks. Some students were waiting for an hour today. I feel bad for them, but we're moving as fast as we can!

When I finally get home at the end of my work day (which seems to stretch past my regular hours... everyday... I even brought work home with me last night...) I'm so tired and grumpy that I just have to sit and do nothing. Well, I did crochet yesterday, and I read a little today, but mostly I plant myself in front of my computer and watch Mad Men (I'm on the 4th episode of season 3... I didn't think I'd get into it, but now I'm hooked.) It's a relief to just shut my mind off and zone out. I'm usually in bed and actually asleep by 9 o'clock. Talking with students all day, figuring out their accounts, doing calculations for appeals, staring at a computer screen to process paper work (which is different from watching movies/shows on a computer screen) etc etc etc... it really takes it out of me. It's kind of pathetic, but seriously.

This is my excuse for not being as connected to the world as I usually feel. I do a quick check on Facebook a couple of times a day, but I really haven't "communicated" with anyone as I usually do. And I obviously haven't touched the blog in a while. I'm almost a hermit when I'm home, because I just need to rest, my brain is so tired, so I don't go out and visit people (even my sisters who live right around the corner!) It's sad, but it's life... for a little while longer. In a few weeks, this will all be over and it'll be back to... being a hermit. haha Who am I kidding?? :)

Anyway, that's life for me right now. Not sad, not happy, just is. And that's fine.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Riding the bus home today, a thought came into my little mind.

I am happy.

And I'm guessing that my realization makes others of you happy, so I wanted to share.

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, I'll give you a little bit of enlightenment. I have never been clinically diagnosed, but I struggle with depression and anxiety. It's something I've battled for a long, long time. I can look back now and guess that it started when I was in middle school.

Thanks to my family and some very good and close friends (people who may not realize how much of a help and support they've been, but who I absolutely lean on sometimes and am grateful for always), I've been able to cope. Without going into a whole lot of details about what I'm doing to fight it--and I'm doing quite a bit now, though I started out slow and taking only baby steps--I wanted to share this realization.

I really am happy. Not always, but mostly. And that's a really great feeling.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


I don't know if I've made this point before, but I love reading. It's so much fun to get lost in a story and come out on the other side not quite the same as I was when I started.

I recently read The Lord of the Rings again. Everytime I read those books, I get more out of them and learn more about the story and catch new things.

Today I had a little email conversation with Amilia about a handful of different books, and I don't know about her, but it just made me happy. We talked about Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. We talked about Shannon Hale--or, rather, I gushed about Shannon Hale. We talked about Coraline and The Book Thief. She told me Durfey isn't a fan of reading, but is making an effort and has started with The Chronicles of Narnia. Gosh, I love those books.

Cute story, which I shared with Amilia: yesterday I was riding with the Rasmussen's up to Dallin and Bree's wedding reception--Congrats, cousins!!--and I asked Jacob if he was excited about starting kindergarten. His response: "Yeah. Mostly I'm excited to learn how to read." This made me happy. Also, I had Coraline with me and pulled it out of my bag. Courtney said, "I've read that. It was creepy." So, we talked about the book a little bit. Again, made me happy.

Books are wonderful. Whether you read biographies, cookbooks, fantasy, or self-help, lose yourself in a good book. Give yourself the time to open your mind to new thoughts and ideas. And then talk to people about them! Books are wonderful to read on your own, but they're even better when shared!!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Blessings and Broken Hearts

I'm out of the habit of posting the everyday wonders. Not that I'm out of the habit noticing them. Believe me, I'm not. For example, on Monday, a co-worker and I were walking into the administration building, where we  work, and we saw a gentleman, probably in his early fifties, strapping something around his legs. We had to stare for quite a bit before we figured out what he was doing. He was zipping and buttoning his leather chaps on his legs. I don't know if you can really picture this. They were black leather chaps with silver buttons and zips. He was strapping them on while talking to a One Stop cashier. Picture it. I had a really hard time not laughing out loud as I passed this wonderful scene.

And I finished reading a book recommended (and loaned) to me by my lovely Amilia-friend called The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. It was creepy and strange and wonderful. I'm now reading another Gaiman novel, the title of which may be familiar to you all: Coraline. I think I'll read Stardust next, and perhaps American Gods. I think I may be in love with a new-to-me author.

I'm enjoying a new music experience, care of Spotify. So fun.

My mother, David-brother, and Britney-sister are here for my Dallin-cousin's wedding.

See. I'm counting my blessing, seeing the good, finding the interesting, being happy.

But there are times when I revert to brooding. It's in my nature and I just can't help it. For example, I came across a young family as I was doing verification on Monday and it just made me feel jealous and lonely and sad and broken-hearted. Why are some people blessed earlier in life with a spouse and children, and some of us just have to wait and wait and wait? It's silly, I know, to ask, "Why?" It's silly to compare myself. It's silly to wonder if there's something wrong with me, if I did something or am doing something to keep these blessing just out of my reach. It's silly to be superstitious about love, finding love, wishing for love, etc. There are no right or wrong ways to find love--real love, the kind that grows and changes and lasts forever. But I can't help it sometimes. You know, the whole, "make a wish," stuff. Or "if such and such happens, it means someone's thinking of you, or in love with you, or you'll soon be married, or blah blah blah..." Silly, right? But still...

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I have failed at posting the everyday awesomeness in my life this week. So we'll do some generals.

I was assigned to processing verification at work. This made me happy for one reason: I don't have to see students while working on this task. Hallelujah. It's not that I don't like the students. Really, for the most part, it's not so bad. But our students are coming in with the same questions over and over again now, since it's the beginning of the semester, and I get tired of repeating myself. And it makes my voice hurt. So this is a nice break. I'm sure it will be back to the regular redundancy next week, but I enjoyed the task for the last few days.

We *didn't* celebrate Tana's birthday yesterday by going up the canyon and having a campfire in which we *didn't* cook veggie hobo packs or roast marshmallows. And we *didn't* sing songs and have a grand time. Not at all. Or maybe we did in fact do these things, we just *didn't* do them for Tana's birthday. I'm still confused about what did and didn't happen. But I do know that Courtney was there. She's spending the weekend at Jana's.

And I got to have lunch with three of my favorite people. The Doxey family. Really, it was just lunch, though. It was lunch yesterday and today and also dinner later tonight. Yeah. See the following pictures for proof:

My bean and cheese burrito

Doxey's burrito supreme

Ashley's flautas. No, not chimichangas. Flautas.

Food for giants, I swear!! This was some really awesome authentic Mexican food from Maria Bonitas in Orem (on 800 N and University Parkway, across from Maceys). You gotta check it out. The salsa was so yummy!

I dyed my hair yesterday. It's maybe a little bit too dark, but it's a wash-out, so it'll be gone in about a month. No worries. I got some laundry done today and some shopping done yesterday. Much needed. I got a ride home from work twice this week. Once from Marie, who was passing by and thought to pick me up. How sweet is that? And once from Lauren. I don't know if these ladies fully understand how much I appreciate a ride home instead of having to take the bus. You're both awesome. Thank you! I also got a very thoughtful text message from my big little brother David. I just love the people in my life so so much. You're all amazing.

One last thing. Today is my parents' 30th Wedding Anniversary! (See Marie's blog about it.) I love you, Mom and Dad. Happy Anniversary! And I hope you're looking forward to your awesome gift from your loving children.