Monday, April 27, 2009

A Research Paper on Twilight??

Some people have expressed a desire to read the paper I wrote about the Twilight saga. I hope it isn't too disappointing to all who choose to read it... Anyway, if you're on of those who has any interest, here it is! Enjoy...or don't. Whatever. Just remember, you asked to read it!

PS Can I just say how freakin' excited I am to be DONE with the semester? Man, oh man, I am totally looking forward to reading, crocheting, walking, movie-watching... *sigh*

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Wa-wa. Selt-Pity Sucks.

My goodness, I'm sounding like a big, fat cry-baby lately. Now that it's out of my system, I humbly apologize to anyone who came in contact with my self-pity.

Anyone on Facebook, please go read my new Event and respond. It's a time-crunch thing, so hurry.

Apparently my dad was on death's bed. Who knew? I mean, I knew it was bad, but in talking to him last night, I found it was a lot worse than Mom let on, which is completely typical of my mother. OK, so maybe he wasn't on death's bed, but it was pretty bad, and, like, a leaning on death's bed, basically. Like, the sheets were turned down. But, as was previously stated, he's fine now and went back to work today. It's kinda funny, though. The rumors were spread all over the county, it seems, ranging from his blood was thick as molasses to his heart was giving out.

You know those songs that are just really, really great, and when you hear them you just feel it? Elton John's "Yellow Brick Road," INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart," Tears for Fears's "Everybody (Wants to Rule the World," Damien Rice's "Cannonball," Ray LaMontagne's "Forever Friend," and Sting's "Englishman in New York" (to name a few) do it to me every time. I don't know why. I just absolutely love these songs.

What's a good study snack? I like pretzels, personally, but I have to pair them with a Dr. Pepper. The combo is great, but not the healthiest. Speaking of funny-sounding words (go back two posts for a Gertrude Stein reference), SNACK!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Faith, Doubt, and the Single-Life

This is not intended to incite sympathy or pity at all. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about, as a single 26-year-old woman is occasionally allowed to do. I don't need empathy, either. Just thought I'd share.

That whole "I'm unmarried without children" thing totally sucks sometimes. Like, for example, when I went to Caitlin's baby shower. (Sorry, Caitlin! Don't feel bad!) All of her other friends had babies and two of them were pregnant with their second babies. Ashley and I were the only one's without babies, and she's at least married! I felt like I was so behind in the real world. What am I doing with my life? Why am I still alone? I know, I'm going to school, and close to a degree, so I'm not completely wasting my life away. And I'm active in the Church, fulfill my callings. I just don't feel like I'm really doing anything. And I am really, really baby hungry. And I want to have one the right way, besides having someone to help raise the kid! I want someone to share my life with.

I'm actually working on fixing my mentality about this whole thing. Hope and Faith are canceled out by Fear and Doubt. I have to let go of the fear that I'll never find a companion, and the doubt I have in myself. This is gonna sound kinda weird, maybe preachy, but here's what I've figured out (with a LOT of help from my Heavenly Father and my family): Alma 32 says to make a place in your heart to plant a seed of faith (in the word), right? Well, I've decided that I have to plant a seed of faith in myself. Faith that I can live a good life, married or not. Faith that one day, I will be blessed with a companion, and with children. Faith that it will happen in the Lord's time. Faith that He loves me and wants me to be happy, and so He will not deprive me of these blessings. FAITH. Not doubt.

I'm trying. It's hard. And it's new, so I'm still learning, but I want to be more faithful in my life, so that's my goal. I have to nourish that seed now. Consistant and faithful prayer, scripture study, fasting, temple attendance, etc. And I need to "forget" myself and "go to work"! I'm going to get myself into family history work more.

I think I'm writing this in my blog in hopes that (1) someone will read it, and (2) in telling, I've made myself more accountable.

The frustrating thing is that when it comes to certain things, my faith is so strong. For example, my dad was in the hospital this weekend. He's on a blood thinner to help keep his heart in rhythm, but it thinned his blood too much. It was a little disconcerting for about five minutes, but then I said a prayer and I just knew he'd be fine. Sure enough, he was home on Sunday, is taking Monday off to rest, and will be back to work on Tuesday. For some reason, I didn't even get too worried about my grandpa when he was going through his heart stuff. Sure, I was concerned, but I just knew everything would be fine. And it has been, so far. Why can't I channel that faith??

Anyway, if anyone has any advice about how to "keep the faith" please feel free to share.

Uh Oh

Last week, when it was especially cold and rainy, I was writing a message to my Lindsle friend. This is what I wrote:

Know what'a funny word? Big. It's small for what it represents. And it sounds funny. Say it outloud. Big. Big. Big. Big big big. BIG. Big big. haha (Have we had this conversation before? Maybe not; maybe it was David.) Have you heard of the concept of repeating the same word over and over again until it sounds strange and loses its meaning? It's kind of a popular pratice in the DADA world. Gertrude Stein does it a lot in her poetry. Love, love, love, love, LOVE, LoVe. Love. Love. lovE. lOvE. love love love love love, love. lOve. Here's a poem for you called Very Valentine:

Very fine is my valentine.
Very fine and very mine.
Very mine is my valentine very mine and very fine.
Very fine is my valentine and mine, very fine very mine and mine is my valentine.

(from: "A Valentine to Sherwood Anderson," 1922 - in A Primer for the Gradual Understanding of Gertrude Stein)

She was a lesbo.

I have no clue where that tangent came from. Sorry it got loaded on you. It was just in my mind so it came oozing out my fingertips.

I'm beginning to remind myself of my father.

Monday, April 6, 2009

What a Wonderful Weekend

This weekend was wonderful. Not only did I dye my hair (just a wash-out, 28-day hair color), and finish crocheting a blanket, but General Conference was this weekend! I love Conference. I love listening to the leaders of our Church, God's messengers, the living prophets. I love the teachings received, the lessons learned, the chastisement deserved, and the comfort and peace gained. There were some wonderful things said that I needed to hear.

Doubt not. I've been having issues with this. Not that I don't believe the Gospel is real or true. I firmly believe that the Atonement is sure, that Repentance is real, that the Scriptures are true. Sometimes I forget that I believe it, though, and that's when doubt steps in, because of my pride. I have to remember that I believe it all, remember that I have a testimony, remember that I know.

And I am never alone. I loved Elder Holland's talk. His testimony of the Savior is beautiful, and it has strengthened my own. I am never alone. I always have the Spirit with me, if I live to be worthy of it. I always have Heavenly Father on my side, even when I mess up. He loves me, He wants me. How wonderful to know that I have a Father in Heaven who will always love me, no matter what.

I'm so thankful for my family. I had the opportunity to spend most of the weekend with my sisters. I love them so much. Heather and Jana came over Friday. Jana needed to do homework on my computer, so Heather and I (along with my Kami roommate) went to Zupas for dinner. I LOVE Zupas! Such yummy soups... I'm hungry for a bowl of their chicken enchilada soup now. Kami, Heather, and I went back to my apartment, and Jana and Ann (another roommate) joined us in watching "Twilight." Man, I love and hate that movie. It's so wonderfully great and awful. On Saturday, between sessions, after I colored my hair, Jana and I headed to Heather's house to watch the rest of Conference with her family, and Marie was already there. Marie even made pizza for dinner (yum) and we just hung out. I love spending time at the Rasmussesn's. It's so nice for us to be together. We got to talk to Mom and Dad Sunday evening, too. And Jana made biscuits and gravy for dinner. It was a really great weekend. The only thing that would have made it better is if Mom and Dad, David and Tyler were with us.

If you're at all curious about the weekend before last and my fun time at Color Fest, check out the pictures on my Facebook account. Good times!