Ever wake up from a dream feeling like it was reality? I woke up in a dead panic on Sunday morning, totally freaked out about something I was doing in my dream and that everyone saw or heard about somehow. It was some kind of secret that came out and everyone was judging me, hating me, talking about me, telling me off, etc. When I woke up, my heart was pounding, I was sweating, breathing fast. It took me a full five minutes before I calmed down enough to make the correlation between the fever and sore throat I had in reality and the weird dream I had just had. I think I was having weird dreams because I was running a fever. That's possible, right?

Don't judge me

Oh, Hanson. How I love you.

My wonderful Julia friend went to see Hanson with me a few weeks ago at the Depot in Salt Lake City. I warned her that she was about to see a very giddy Sarah, a Sarah very reminiscent of the 16-year-old Sarah who had posters taped to her bedroom walls.

Say what you'd like about Hanson. I firmly believe that if you're inclined to think they're still the MMMBop Boys, it just means you haven't heard anything they've done recently. (Yes, they're still recording!)

These recordings aren't very good, sadly. But check 'em out.

I Will Come to You (from their first album, Middle of Nowhere)

Georgia (from their fourth album, The Walk)

Strong Enough to Break (from their third album, Underneath)

And if you wanna know what they're newest stuff sounds like, check out this video:

Thinking 'Bout Somethin' (from their fifth album, Shout It Out)

Yes, that's Weird Al. Yes, it's a spoof (or tribute) to the scene with Ray Charles from the Blues Brothers. You may catch these lyrics: "Well if you're not too proud to beg/ I could give you some respect." Again, a tribute to great R&B.

Or you can keep thinking I'm silly. I don't mind. I love Hanson.

Shutes Too Narrow, how I love you.

Underneath, my dear friend. I've missed you!

"30 Rock," I'm so glad you're back.

Family Brag Time

Short and sweet and to the point: My family rocks.

I couldn't possibly cover all of the things I love about my family, but here's a go of it:

Dad's way of giving his love. Mom's wisdom. Heather's constant support. Marie's courage. Jana's humor. David's intelligence. Tyler's sweet heart. Travis's steadfastness. Britney's kindness. Karina's unwavering faith. Hunter's quiet ways of loving. Courtney's smiles and hugs and kisses and notes and emails. Jacob's enthusiasm.

And my extended family on both the Heywood and Chinn sides: You are all some of the coolest, sweetest, most intelligent, most loving, most supportive people in the world and I feel so blessed to not only know you, but to have you as my own.

A few more almost-family members: Ashley and Doxey, I don't know how I would have survived the last few years without you guys. You're awesome. I feel so blessed to have your friendship. Juila, you're amazing and so positive and I'm so glad to have you as this kind of influence in my life. Lindsey, I love that we can go for months without a word and pick up again as if no time has passed.

I love you all. I should say it more and do more to show it. I wish I was better at communicating this to you all, but know that I do think of you all every single day and you're in my prayers.

Consider this a hug and kiss from your Sar Bear, Sarah Lou, Panda, SarHa, Sarie, Say-ya, Seewah, Sarah

I have come to the realization that I really am getting older. Not that I didn't realize it before, really. More like I'm coming to terms with aging, I guess. OK, so I'm only 28. That's not old, I know. But, here are a few things I can't do anymore:

• Be on my feet all night. It's been YEARS since I worked at what was Pier 49 on Center Street in Provo. Now it's my sister's pizza place, the Parlor, and I'm working three nights a week. By the time I finally crawl home, my feet, ankles, and shins feel like they're on fire and are swollen to about five times their normal size.
• Function on less than six hours of sleep. Six is my minimum. Seven is good. Eight is best. Nine is awesome. And after getting only six hours of sleep for about a week straight, and working more than I was used to, I totally crapped out last weekend. I skipped my regular job on Friday just to catch up on sleep. How lame is that?
• Go without make-up (and eye-gel to reduce puffiness) after not getting enough sleep. Oh my, not a good idea. I look... well, how I feel: totally haggard! And a little bit scary, let's be honest.

OK. So these all fit together, and maybe they have less to do with age and more to do with being on my feet more after years of desk jobs and working more hours than I ever have before. I'm so tired when I get home, I just watch a little TV or a few minutes of a movie before I slink off to bed. I feel so lazy. I have SO much crochet work to get done, some pages to edit for my friend, reading I want to do... and I'm just too tired!

Any suggestions?

PS I'm job hunting for something full-time with benefits in an office (administration, secretarial, clerical, etc). Any leads would be nice.

I've been neglecting you, my lovely little blog. I apologize.

There will be stuff posted soon. I promise.

When You're Tired and You Can't Sleep...

I felt pretty ungrateful the other day.

I was feeling really sorry for myself because I couldn't afford to buy tickets to see Sufjan Stevens. I heaved heavy sighs and everything. And then I realized that Vampire Weekend will be here on the 2nd and I can't afford that show either. Again, I threw a pity party and invited no one.

I decided to put things in perspective:

I have a roof over my head.

I have food to eat.

I have decent clothes to cover my nakedness.

I have family and friends ready and willing to help me move.

I have more books than I need.

I have more movies than I can watch in a month. (Maybe I should calculate that. It'd be interesting to know if it's true.)

I have a computer way fancier than I need. Heck, I have a computer, which isn't a "need" at all.

I have a cell phone to keep in touch with the people I love.

I have two legs to walk me to and from bus stops, and public transportation to get me where I need to go.

I have a freakin' iPod, for crying out loud. I can listen to Sufjan Stevens and Vampire Weekend all the time if I so choose.

What in the world am I complaining about? All of my needs are met and most of my wants satisfied. Count your blessings, Sarah. Count 'em.

Family Reunion!

Oh man. Last weekend was a whirlwind. (If you wanna see pictures, there are some on my Facebook account, a link to which is to the right of this blog.) Here are the highlights:

On the road: Thursday late afternoon: I got attacked by an almost angry Alicia (is Alicia capable of becoming really angry? I don't think so.) who thought I was keeping a secret that was really just a rumor about me dating someone. I am not dating anyone. OK. Moving on.

We stopped in Vegas to get gas. Being a new 21, Alicia was pretty excited that she was allowed in the gambling room at the gas station. We had to document the moment. The room was very stinky, and I think one of the attendants at the station was concerned (considering that even though she is 21, she looks about 12...), so we moved on.

We headed for Los Angeles, where we were to rendezvous with the family! We found beds made for us in the LA Temple Apartments (thanks to Mom for booking the room, and David and Britney getting the beds ready for us). We did an endowment session at the temple Friday morning with as many of the Heywood's as could be there. Awesome.

Then we hit the beach. (Santa Monica Pier)

Well, it wasn't quite that simple, but I'll spare you the details. Quick version: traffic sucks. Marie, Jana, and I found a place to park, walked down to the beach and put our feet in the beautiful Pacific Ocean for a while. The weather was lovely, the water was cool, the sand was warm... *sigh* And then trudged back to the car. (Like my hair? It was windy!)

We met up with our Lindsey and Ashley friends for dinner at the China Bistro in the Marketplace, which Jana referred to as the Teenage Orgy. Seriously, there were so many children there dressed in their punk outfits or half naked, or as half-naked punkers, and hormones were flying in all directions. It was a little like being at a BYU freshman's dance party... only there was more skin. But I digress. 'Twas wonderful to see our dear, dear friends, the Huffaker sisters. (I accidently typed "twas" so I just went with it.) I miss those girls so much! It was great to sit and talk with them. What I love most about meeting up with Lindsey and Ashley is that after months and month of not talking to each other (except for Facebook), it's as if no time has gone by. We get right back into stride.

Saturday: fun times at the park. We played a game of baseball, and (believe it or not) I went to bat. Twice. I even hit the ball both times! There are little things in life that are completely satisfying. The crack when the bat hits the ball is definitely one of them. (Here's Alicia taking a swing, Ty pitching, Mom catching.)

We played a water war game, we played on the playground equipment, we played guitars, we played cards... it was an afternoon spent playing stuff. And showing off our talents. (Click here to see a video of the Dave Heywood clan singing our own arrangement of "Big Rock Candy Mountain.") Grandma and Grandpa even lead the family in a sing-a-long of some of the songs they used to sing on their family road trips.

Saturday night some of us were able to go to Tyler's gig at Jerry's Pizza. (See links to videos in my last blog.) He did such a great job! I'm only sad that we didn't have time for a private session. He's got a lot of songs up his sleeves and he plays/sings them so well. I'm proud!

Sunday morning was spent taking family pictures and in church--and half of the testimonies shared came from the Heywood family. It was nice to be there together, to hear some of our family members share their testimonies.

We had dinner (pasta bar) and ate the cake Mom made to celebrate Grandma and Grandpa's 60th wedding anniversary. (60 years, people. That's a really freakin' long time!) Marie, Jana, Alicia, and I missed the rest of the fun--I think there was going to be a kind of "tribute to the Grandparents" thing after dinner--because we had to get back on the road. Work and school and all that. We filled up the car, grabbed some Dr. Pepper, and headed out of Wasco.

I have only one thing left to say: This billboard, which is on the I-15 all the way thru Vegas in both directions, about every mile or so, is awesomely retarded. I love and hate it at the same time. My sisters and I can't help but laugh and kind of cringe every time we see it. So, naturally, I had to take a picture. We stopped at Carl's Jr to get some dinner, and as I walked back to the car I looked up... lo and behold! There was my (least) favorite billboard of all time staring at me. I grabbed my camera and took a few shots. Road trip complete.

P.S. Thanks to Marie for the awesome (as usual) 10.5 hour playlist and use of her car. And Jana for not only driving thru the total insanity and ridiculousness that is LA traffic, but also driving the last leg of the trip into the wee small hours of the morning. And thanks to the Movie Game and "I'm going on a trip and I'm taking..." game, without which I think Jana would have fallen asleep and we would have died. And Alicia for the stories. I love your stories.

Tyler at Jerry's

My little brother is pretty freakin' amazing.

Tyler played a gig at a local pizza place called Jerry's Pizza (in Bakersfield, CA) on Saturday. I was thrilled to go listen. I haven't ever seen him play a live show, so this was a first for me. Tyler hasn't played a solo show ever and he hasn't played a show since his band disbanded about two years ago, so it was a new experience for him too. Here are some videos of the songs he played. It was a short set, but SO great! I'm very proud of my brother. He's a really good guitarist, vocalist, lyricists... musician, and he only gets better with time. Go Ty!

At Least Today (an original), Pardon Me (Incubus cover), Rocket Man (cover of Jason Mraz's cover of Elton John), Satellite (Dave Matthews Band cover), An Overcast Night (an original), I Remember (Damien Rice cover), The Threat (an original)

I hate apartment hunting.

I hate job hunting.

I'm very hateful toward hunting for a date.

I'm pretty sure I would hate hunting animals.

I'm not a hunter.

Totally Shameless Plug

I have a kind of obsession. I have to keep my hands busy, and what better way than to crochet? My ears and mind stay alert to what's going on around me (allowing me to watch movies, listen to General Conference, participate in conversation, etc), while my hands create something new, useful, and (hopefully) beautiful!

I decided I would try to sell some of the stuff I've crocheted. I totally and completely fear rejection, so if this doesn't work and nobody buys, I may never try again! (Guilt-trip? Maybe. I'll let you decide.)

So, go to www.etsy.com and check out my stuff. Send the link to your friends and family! Tell everyone you know! It would be very helpful to me. And any feedback is very very welcome. I'd love to hear what people think of the stuff I've done, good or bad. It'll help me know what direction I should move in, how I could improve.

Here are some pictures of what I've posted on Etsy. Any help is very much appreciated!

Labyrinth

You remind me of the babe

(What babe?)

The babe with the power

(What power?)

The power of voodoo

(Who do?)

You do

(Do what?)

Remind me of the babe

At the risk of being completely and totally corny, I can't believe how lucky I am. I got to see two musical legends on stage last night: James Taylor and Carole King, with their original Troubadour band, at the Energy Solutions Area. These two aren't spring chickens anymore, but they had SO much energy on that stage, dancing and jumping, getting the audience excited and involved. I got a lot of short clips of songs, but I got three songs in full which I'm posting for your listening pleasure (because the video isn't so great, let's be honest). If you listen close in some parts you'll hear Jana, Marie, me, and the older guy next to me singing along.

If you wanna see my shorter clips, go here.

As you can see from the videos, we were as far back as you could get due to outrageous ticket prices, but I'm not at all upset about it because it was still an awesome show! I'm pretty sure we made all of the older people around us happy. I'm positive they enjoyed seeing three young scrappers singing along and clapping to some of the best songs ever written. I thank my parents for educating us well. (Mom and Dad got to see James and Carole at the Hollywood Bowl in May--can't wait to compare notes!)

I remember listening to James Taylor Live and Carole King's Tapestry on car rides. Not only were we learning to appreciate our parents "old" music, but we learned to love it and to understand that if it wasn't for this old stuff, the new music we loved wouldn't be what it was. Think about it! Without these two and other legends, would we enjoy Ray LaMontagne, Cat Power, Hanson, Amos Lee, Alexi Murdock, Rachael Yamagata, Iron & Wine, or even Sting?? I don't think so. They may not even be around, let alone sound like they do. Gotta appreciate the classics.

One of my favorite parts of the show was what James called "gospel songs for agnostics." He said it doesn't matter what you believe, these songs speak the truth and make you feel good. They played "Beautiful" by Carole:

"You've got to get up every morning

With a smile on your face and show the world

All the love in your heart

Then people gonna treat you better

You're gonna find, yes you will

That you're beautiful

As you feel"

and "Shower the People" by James

"Shower the people you love with love

Show them the way that you feel

Things are gonna be just fine

If you only will

What I really mean to say is

Shower the people you love with love

Show them the way that you feel

Thing are gonna be much better

If you only will"

Interesting facts:

James Taylor was born on March 12 in 1948.

He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2000

His first major breakthrough was in 1970 with the #3 single "Fire and Rain"

His first #1 hit was "You've Got a Friend" (written by Carole King) in 1971

Has won 5 Grammy Awards: Best Male Pop Vocal Performance for "You've Got a Friend," Best Male Pop Vocal Performance for "Handy Man," Best Pop Album for Hourglass, Best Male Pop Vocal Performance for "Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight," and Best Country Collaboration With Vocals for "How's the World Treating You" with Alison Krauss.

Has had 11 albums in the US Billboard top 10 (including Sweet Baby James, October Road, and Live at the Troubadour) and 5 top 10 Pop Singles (including "Fire and Rain," and "How Sweet It Is")

Carole King was born on February 9 in 1942.

Tapestry topped the US album charts for 15 weeks in 1971 and stayed on the charts for more than 6 years, and it won 4 Grammy Awards: (Album of the Year, Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Record of the Year ("It's Too Late"), and Song of the Year ("You've Got a Friend)

Her first hit was "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" (co-written with her then-husband Gerry Goffin) in 1960 (she was 18!), as recorded by The Shirelles

Inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame with Goffin in 1987

Carole and her daughter Louise Goffin recorded King's hit "Where You Lead" to be used as the theme song for the TV show Gilmore Girls, in which Carole appeared three times as the music store owner, Sophie

Some King and King/Goffin hits: "Some Kind of Wonderful" (The Drifters), "The Loco-Motion" (Little Eva), "One Fine Day" (The Chiffons), "Up on the Roof" (The Drifters), "Don't Bring Me Down" (The Animals), "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" (Aretha Franklin), "Hi-De-Ho (That Old Sweet Roll)" (Blood, Sweat & Tears), "So Far Away" (Rod Stewart), "You've Got a Friend" (James Taylor), "Where You Lead" (Barbra Streisand), "It's Going to Take Some Time" (The Carpenters)

Videos!

I've gone crazy with posting videos on YouTube, all for the sake of putting them on my blog and sending links to friends on Facebook.

Molotov Cocktails

Concerts (including some brief stuff from Coachella)

Celebrating Independence Day

Spending time with Hunter, Courtney, and Jacob

That's all for now. Hope you enjoy!

Books Get Under My Skin

I wish I could say that I'm kidding, but I'm not. This book... Man. I'm about a hundred pages from the end, and (though I've never seen the movie) I know what's going to happen. I mean, I know what's going to happen. Henry's already gone into the future so he knows what's going to happen. This sucks. I'm so so sad. I don't really wanna finish it now, cuz I just know it's gonna be so sad. (Heavy sigh)

I don't know why books get under my skin like they do. Well, ok, let's be honest. Not all books get under my skin. Some books I can read and they have little to no emotional impact--probably because they bore me to tears. But more often than not I'm invested in the characters: I fall in love, I get my heart broken, I talk with elves, I experience death (my own or of a loved one), I dream and awaken, I go on journeys, I fight dragons, I get fired or I quit a crappy job, I meet famous people, I can speak to water, fire, wind, animals.

Who in their right mind doesn't like getting sucked into a story like this? It's like The Neverending Story. I'm Bastian yelling out a new name for The Childlike Empress. "MOON CHILD!" I speak to these characters. Outloud. Or I laugh. Or I cry. I was in line at Cafe Rio yesterday, and I brought the book in with me. The line is always long at Cafe Rio, so I thought I'd pass the time reading. I read a line that made me smile. I looked up to see a woman looking at me. I smiled at her as if to say, "That was funny, huh?" Then I got to a part that just broke my heart, and I literally made a pouty face. I looked up and there was a little girl watching me. I had to laugh at myself. I'm pretty sure people who catch me reading think I'm crazy.

Marie. Buy the store. Keep yourself and your mind occupied. Don't think too much. I love you. When are we gonna watch Exit Through the Gift Shop?

Tyler and Nina. I saw the photos Nina posted on Facebook. My goodness... I wanted to throw up. haha But mostly cuz you just looked so stinking cute.

Ashley. You're awesome and I love you and I'm so glad we're friends.

Rachel. I found your blog post from last October, the photoshoot you and David did, and I followed the links... Oh. My. Goodness. Those photos are awesome. I mean, really. You look like models, and you look so happy and beautiful and, oh gosh. I loved 'em! It was good to see you guys for a quick minute on Saturday. I hope you'll come Taco Tuesday/Bookclub.

Andy. I'm a jerk and didn't go to your show. I was... well... excuses, excuses. Sorry. But I wanna get a copy of your tunes when you've got 'em ready, so let me know! You should join our book discussion on the 20th of July. We're reading Slaughterhouse-Five. Taco Tuesday!

Dad. Your blog is going to be awesome, I just know it. That last post made me laugh. Mom's stuffed mushrooms make her the sexiest woman in the world? Nice.

Heather. You're awesome. You take such great care of your family. I wanna be like you. Sorry you're having a rough week. We'll have fun on Friday!

Anyone who cares: I just got Daria in the mail yesterday.
I grinned all night long. No joke. As I watched the first episode, the one where Daria meets Jane in the self-esteem class, I just giggled and giggled. And as I watched the second epsiode, the one where Daria and Jane go to Brittany's party (to celebrate her parents being out of town, or so says Kevin), I laughed out loud when Kevin tells Brittney, "You're a great hostess, cupcake! Hey..." On a sad note, 99% of music had to be changed, since it would have been expensive and incredibly difficult to buy the rights to all of the songs originally used in the series. Sad sad sad. So instead of hearing random clips from '97 (such as the Foo Fighters or Beck or Hanson or the Spice Girls), we get stuff I have yet to recognize. Oh well. On a very high plus-side, the series includes the two movies (Is It Fall Yet? and Is It College Yet?) plus the Mystik Spiral music video. Am I a happy girl? Why, yes. Yes, I am. Anyone up for a marathon?

Everyone else: I didn't forget you.
I
love
you

Happiness is...

Daria, the complete series on DVD.

I just ordered via Target (free shipping today) and I can't wait for it to arrive. The next few weeks of my life will be spent watching Daria in my free time...which is most of the time.

Trent. That's all I'm saying.

Siblings

I'm the unofficial DJ at work. I make playlists for us all to enjoy. Well, OK, it's all from my iPod so I enjoy every song, whereas some of my coworkers get a little annoyed with some of the music I choose. But, hey, they appointed me so they have to just deal, right? Right. Anyway....

In my lastest playlist, I included the demo CD my little Tyler brother made. Every time one of his songs comes on, I'm re-amazed at the quality. He's really quite talented, lyrically and musically. I have this little place in my heart that kinda gets bigger, cuz he's my little brother and I'm so proud of him.

This got me to thinking about my siblings. They're all so awesome. They inspire me in different ways. They're my friends and I love being with them. They make me laugh. They make me cry. They're always there. They look out for me, and I look out for them. We get on each other's nerves, but we love each other unconditionally. I don't know who I would be without them. They're five of the most important people in my life. And through them, I've met more important people: my brother- and sister- (soon to be sisterS) in-law, and my niece and nephews, and all of the friends we share.

Anyway, all of is coming out cuz I was thinking about Tyler's music while reading Marie's blog and comments left on my blog from Britney, and the ice cream and company provided by Marie, the crazy fun at Heather's last week sharing music with her, talking with Hunter and Courtney about the music they like, getting my hair "fixed" by Jacob, Travis's wonderful FHE lesson, a scary phone conversation with Jana on Saturday and feeling of relief, reading David's Spotlight on the family website... I just love all of you so much!

What English majors do:

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Samuel Clemens was funny

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.
If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

A classic is something that everybody praises and nobody has read.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Stuck

Something is holding her back. Something has taken grip of her heart, twisted and wrung it out, left it to dry. Something always brings tears to her eyes--crying or laughing, doesn't really matter which. Something always makes her smile ingenuinely, passively, ironicly real.

She groans.

She watches old episodes of her favorite tv shows and waits for life to happen.


On the other hand:

• I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. (Albert Einstein)
• I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude. (Henry David Thoreau)
• Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up. (Pearl S. Buck)
• Isolation is aloneness that feels forced upon you, like a punishment. Solitude is aloneness you choose and embrace. I think great things can come out of solitude, out of going to a place where all is quiet except the beating of your heart. (Jeanne Marie Laskas)
• It is not necessary that you leave the house. Remain at your table and listen. Do not even listen, only wait. Do not even wait, be wholly still and alone. The world will present itself to you for its unmasking... in ecstasy it will writhe at your feet. (Franz Kafka)
• Talents are best nurtured in solitude: character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world. (Goethe)
• There is a solitude which each and every one of us has always carried within. More inaccessible than the ice cold mountains, more profound than the midnight sea: the solitude of self. (Elizabeth Cady Stanton)

I was able to spend Family Night with my sister's family this week. My brother-in-law Travis gave a message about gossip. He compared it to a fire. He asked the kids what would happen if you added wood to a fire. My very smart four-year-old nephew Jacob said, "It would get bigger!" Travis then asked what would happen if you added more wood. Jacob answered, "It would burn our house down." He then went into detail about how the house would fall down and the neighborhood would burn up and maybe even the whole city.

I think he got distracted by the fire.

The metaphor wasn't lost on the older kids. My almost-ten-year-old niece Courtney said that we could be the water and put out the fire by saying nice things about those being gossiped about. She's a smart one, too. Hunter (a notorious twelve-year-old) grunted and groaned, but I'm pretty sure he was listening.

I was listening, too. I need to be better about saying nice things about people instead of being ornery about people. Be the water, not the wood.

Love and Babies

I'm sure you're all sick of hearing me say it, but I'm going to anyway: I want a baby.

Have you seen Baby Mama? OK, it may not be the best example, but that whole opening sequence with Tina Fey seeing babies everywhere... that's how I feel! They're everywhere! Everyone is having babies except me.

Of course, I want to get married first. And so as well as seeing babies everywhere, I'm seeing new romances blooming, new engagements happening, new married couples. And I keep thinking, "Why not me?"

I suppose it's just not time for me to be married or a mom. It's heartbreaking, really. It's hard to stay positive and faithful about my future in this area when I'm feeling older and less attractive everyday. I feel like this may never happen for me, and it's just so depressing.

I know, it's totally lame. I'm having a pity party and no one's invited but me. I just need to let it out. Why not blog it? Hmph.

I Am the Messenger

What's this book trying to tell me?

I wonder this a lot as I'm reading... what do these words mean to me? Why am I so enamored with them? Or, worse, why do they feel so yucky? They're just words.

"I didn't know words could be so heavy." (from I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak)

Man, are they ever.

I wish I had more of a grasp on words and that I knew how to better use them. Unfortunately, all I really do well with words is read them, and even then the messages are sometimes completely lost on me.

But not with this book. I Am the Messenger has found its way to my core. I love these words. I wish I could tell you why, but I can't. It's something in the book. Something in the way Zusak uses words. Something in the message.

You'll have to read it for yourself.

On Mothers...

Moms are the best, are they not? I love my momma.

But Carrie's momma is crazy.
As weird as this is for me to admit, I think reading stuff like Harry Potter and the Twilight series helped me see through the magical/mystical/paranormal stuff in Carrie by Stephen King. I know, I know: totally lame. But it's kinda true. As things started flying and we were "inside" Carrie's head, I laughed. I'm heartless, right? It's not that I didn't feel bad for Carrie--poor, poor crazy girl. What I really mean is that it didn't scare me as much as I thought it would, and I think that's because I've been desensitized to the paranormal from reading stuff on the lighter side. Does that even make a tiny bit of sense?
Having said that, I think the movie would freak me out. That scene when she's just suddenly in front of the car with a knife in her shoulder, blood all over, dress torn and dirty... whoa. Pretty sure it will give me nightmares after only seeing it in my head.

On a much much happier note: I really do love my momma. She's the best. All moms are pretty freakin' awesome. Think of all they do, all they sacrifice, all the heartache and worrying, all of the service and love..... Where would this world be without our wonderful Moms? Happy (late) Mother's Day to all the mothers in my life, and all those mothers who did their best to do right by their children, and to all of the future mothers, just waiting to give their love to future children, and all those women who nurture because it's just in our nature! Yay for Moms!!

Graduation: Done!

(I apologize for the lack of Grad Pics--I need to ask Mom, Heather, Jana, and Grandpa to share what the pictures they took)

My wonderful and amazing parents came up to hear my name announced and see me walk across the stage as I FINALLY graduated from college. Mom informed me later that there was a “c” next to my name, meaning I graduated Magna Cum Laude. Huh. Well, I knew that in my second to last semester I had a 3.67, I just wasn’t positive I would keep that up in my last semester, since I was carrying 18 credits and was completely out of gas and no longer cared about getting As. Well, yesterday I got my grades for my final semester of university life: I really did graduation Cum Laude: 3.66 cumulative GPA. Nice. Not sure how I pulled it off, and I’m pretty darn sure I didn’t deserve most if not all of the high grades I got in my last semester, but I’m not gonna complain.

Anyway, back to graduation. It’s an interesting experience, really. A bit like high school graduation minus the idiots. It was really great to sit with my English Major buddies for both ceremonies. We missed the ones who weren’t with us (not that they weren’t eligible, they just weren’t there), but we had a lot of fun together, talking and laughing when we probably should have been paying attention, getting antsy when the speeches were on the long side, wishing it was just over, and yet (somehow) still living in the moment.

It was so fun to look up in the stands and see my mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, and two of my sisters. I felt loved and supported, and that’s just a really, really great feeling. It made me smile and it kept that smile on my face. I love my family so much.

We celebrated with Pier 49 Pizza, salad, and soda. We just sat around Heather’s living room and chatted and ate and enjoyed one another. I’m glad we went with “at home” instead of “eating out.” It was fun to play with the kids and talk with my family without worrying about making messes and getting too loud or staying too long. BONUS: we got to watch the kids’ school play on DVD. Oh, how I love to watch Hunter and Courtney sing and dance in ‘the Jungle Book.’ Good good times.

(Random side note: I’m listening to a song called “Marlene” by Lightspeed Champion, and these lyrics caught my attention: “Everybody knows you want a baby / And God knows everybody wants one too...” I’ve never heard this song before, but I think it warrants another listen.)

Saturday was a.... I was gonna say “special day,” but that would be borrowing lyrics of a Primary song. Saturday was great. The family and some friends were able to attend the temple with Jana as she received her endowment. I love that I was able to be there. (Only one sibling away from having the whole immediate family in the temple together, and he should be going through in less than a year... we’re pretty stinking excited about this!) After the temple, we had a big ol’ Chinn family get-together at the grandparent’s house. Food. Lots and lots of food. And talking and laughing and stories. And presents. Yes, my family showed their love again my showering me with graduation presents. I am the proud new owner of a Janome sewing machine, with a carrying case and a basket of sewing stuff (scissors, seam ripper, ruler, pins), thanks to the grandparents, uncles, aunts, and parents! And I have a brand new, shiny, beautiful copy of ‘The Giving Tree’ by Shel Silverstein (my favorite book), and ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ by Eric Carle from Marie. And some cash from Heather and family. And ‘I Am the Messenger’ by Markus Zusak from Jana, along with some bookmarks--panda shaped, of course (Jacob thinks the pandas should be purple for some reason...he’s a funny kid). [This is not at all a complete list of the awesome gifts given from family and friends. I’m a very lucky girl.]

Sunday was awesome as well. We had a potluck with the friends at the Fort (aka the house Jana lives in with all of her awesome and crazy housemates in Provo) to celebrate me being a grownup, and Jana being a real woman. (ha!) It was so fun to spend some time hanging out with some pretty awesome people on a lovely Sunday afternoon.

Anyway, to make a long story longer, we had a fun time together. My friends a the best. I feel pretty lucky to have such great people to associate with, in school and out of school. And we had a great time with Mom and Dad here. I wish they were here more often. I feel extremely blessed to be a part of the wonderful family I was born into. They’re all amazing and I love them with all my heart.

Ready for something really sad?

Sting's canceled.

You're crying... I know...

Yes, well, apparently whoever does the booking is an idiot and doubled booked Sting for a performance in Colorado and Utah on the same night. And they canceled Utah, which is just dumb cuz Sting's got a huge fan-base here, but whatever.

On the bright side, I couldn't really afford to go, so I get to keep my $60. Yay! And Heather doesn't have to be depressed about missing him, since he's not coming after all.

Sad. Sad. Sad.

Sweet Violets

Not sure why, but it's been in my head.

there once was a farmer who took a young miss
in back of the barn where he gave her a

lecture
on horses and chickens and eggs
and told her that she had such beautiful

manners
that suited a girl of her charms
a girl that he wanted to take in his

washing
and ironing and then if she did
they could get married and raise lots of

sweet violets
sweeter than the roses
covered all over from head to toe
covered all over with sweet violets

the girl told the farmer that he'd better stop
and she called her father and he called a

taxi
and got there before very long
'cause some one was doin' his little girl

right
for a change and so that's why he said
if you marry her, son, you're better off

single
'cause it's always been my belief
marriage will bring a man nothing but

sweet violets
sweeter than the roses
covered all over from head to toe
covered all over with sweet violets

the farmer decided he wed anyway
and started in planning for his wedding

suit
which he purchased for only one buck
but then he found out he was just out of

money
and so he got left in the lurch
a standin' and waitin' in front of the

end
of the story which just goes to show
all a girl wants from a man is his

sweet violets
sweeter than the roses
covered all over from head to toe
covered all over with sweet violets

Music makes the people come together

Are you ready for this novel of a post? Get comfy…

Muse. Was. Awesome. Really, I don’t know what to say other than that. They totally rocked. The stage was all lights! Pictures! Lazers! And this intense NOISE, but you know, good noise. Musical noise. And then I put my earplugs in and, ironically, could finally hear the music and lyrics. It was wonderful. I have no words. The talent, pure talent, of these three men… holy crap, man. It was so good! If you get a chance to see Muse live, you should definitely take advantage of it. Mostly because they’re just epic (and I don’t use that word lightly—it’s become overused and meaningless).

(Side note: I have my iTunes on random, and “Sara” by Jefferson Starship just started playing. I cringed a little before I let it finish. This is NOT my song. I feel very passionate about this. “Sara, storms are brewing in your eyes… no time is a good time for goodbyes.” Now, maybe if her name was spelled right… No, not even then; I’d have no one to sing it to me!)

OK. Coachella. Wow.


I went with Marie and Jana, of course, and a handful of friends (Lindsay, Amilia, Durfey, Paul, and Teddy). Two cars, obviously, and we camped onsite. We didn’t get to camp next to each other, though; we got separated on the way there, so the other car had to come find us every morning for their breakfast. Suckas!!

There were something like 130 bands there. Of course we couldn’t (and didn’t want to) see every single one of them. We (meaning Marie, Jana, Lindsay, and I) ended up seeing 9 on Friday (Deer Tick, Sleigh Bells, Yeasayer, She & Him, Passion Pit, Echo and the Bunnymen, Vampire Weekend, Jay Z, and the Whitest Boy Alive), 9 on Saturday (Rx Bandits, Zoe, Old Crow Medicine Show, Band of Skulls, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, the XX, Hot Chip, MGMT, and Muse), and 9 on Sunday (Local Natives, Deerhunter, De La Soul, Yo La Tengo, Jonsi, Spoon, Phoenix, Thom Yorke, and Gorillaz). So, yeah, we saw 27 bands for the low low price of $315. Oh, plus gas, the campsite, and food we spent about $450 each. Which means we saw each band for $16.67 each. We paid $17 to see Jay-Z!

And Jay-Z was freakin’ awesome. We left his show early to see the Whitest Boy Alive, but what we saw was incredible. I’m really kinda sad we left, though, cuz Beyonce performed the last song with him and we missed it!

Vampire Weekend was AWESOME. I was already crushing on Ezra (the lead singer) but during their show I fell in love. They were SO good! Highly recommend catching their show if you have the opportunity. They were fun and energetic and engaging. High quality.

Also, if you don’t know Old Crow Medicine Show, you should. They’re a blue grassy, rockabilly band, REALLY REALLY good, and super fun concert. I wish I had seen them in Salt Lake when they were there. I’m for sure planning on going to see them the next time their in the area.

She & Him--Happy, peppy, fun, clean show. I know some guys out there just don’t get the Zooey Deschanel thing. To be honest, I don’t get the obsession, either. Sure, she’s cute and somewhat talented, but I don’t have a girl-crush on her. I can see how she is attractive to both sexes, though. Anyway… all that aside, I really like She & Him. Fun music.

MGMT was good, but not very enthusiastic, which was sad, cuz I really wanted to rock out, you know? I mean, I still did, but not as hard core as I feel like I would have if they were more into it. It was a little disappointing, even though I still got excited when they started playing “Electric Feel.” Oh, my, how I love that song.

The XX was awesome. I have no other words for this band. So… cool, you know? Just cool. Chill. Awesome.

Passion Pit lacked some passion. And the crowd was really stupid for this one. But the music was good. I’m totally impressed with the lead vocals. Dude sounds like a child; it’s insane.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros were totally trippy. Like, for real, I kept thinking, “This is so Woodstock!”

How awesome is it that we saw De La Soul? I mean, come on! That was a fun one. “Me Myself and I.”

The Whitest Boy Alive was like being at a dance club. We had been going going going going for about two days straight (with a nice little three hour-or-so nap somewhere in there), so I kinda fell asleep standing/dancing. I’m not even kidding. I was SO tired that night, I was swaying, bouncing, singing with my eyes closed and I think I really did kinda blackout for a few minutes. But their show was really, really good.

Muse was freakin’ awesome, of course. They were A-MAZ-ING!

Thom York was crazy! His show was really awesome. Loved it, really. But he was kinda spastic. I kept laughing at him. And dancing. Then laughing, then dancing…

Zoe, who I had never heard before, was really really great. They’re on my list of bands to check out, now.

Jonsi was great. I spent part of that show just sitting, soaking in the music. I wish it had been a “seating ONLY” show, forcing everyone to just chill. But, no. Oh well.

Phoenix was really great. Just a big ol’ dance party! Everyone seemed to be at that show, and everyone was dancing. It was so much fun.

Spoon was a little lack-luster, but there were these dudes in front of us… man, they were funny. The dancing these guys were capable of was, in a word, interesting. In two words, intimidating and insane. I still giggle just remembering their moves. I mean, right now, as I type, I’m giggling almost uncontrollably. I tried to get some video of it, but they kinda stopped as I started recording. It’ll have to just live in my memory, I guess.

Umm… what else can I tell you? The music was awesome. I keep listening to the bands we saw and thinking about the shows and getting excited all over again remembering how great the shows were. Sad it’s over.

And sad that I missed out on some of the other bands. I wish we could have seen all of the Jay-Z show and all of the Gorillaz show. And I wish I had gone to Them Crooked Vultures and Mutemath. And in retrospect, I think we would have had a lot more fun at As Tall As Lions than we did at Sleigh Bells. That was just noise. Yuck. Also sad that I missed Grizzly Bear, Imogen Heap, LDC Soundsystem, Devo. Matt & Kim, Portugal the Man, and Camera Obscura…

There was so much smoking going on, my throat still hurt a week after we got home. And people kept walking in and through and around us during the shows and that’s just rude and annoying. There were SO many people there that some of the shows weren’t as enjoyable as they could have been. People talking during the music instead of listening or dancing or singing along. Annoying. The vendors were expensive, of course. A 16-oz water bottle cost $2. But, on the bright side, if you picked up 10 empty plastic bottles and brought them to the recycling tent, you got a free bottle of water. So, really, I think we each paid for two or three water bottles the whole time we were there, and got about 10 for free just for picking up recyclables. The campsite we were in was about a mile away from the venue, so getting to and from the music everyday was a long walk. And it was SO blasted hot during the day!

All in all, it was miserable and wonderful! It was a great experience, one that I’ve wanted to have for a long time. I’m glad I went, but I don’t ever have to go again!!

And that’s my novel on Coachella. I could go on and on for a long time about it. I have lots and lots of interesting stories to tell (missionary moments, sunburned lips, public make-outs, boobs, people passing out, being offered weed, being asked if we had weed….), but I’ll stop here. If you want more on this, just ask. I’m not tired of talking about it… yet.

Update

I have no time to update!

But I will soon. As in, I graduate next Friday and will have more time. A lot of time. More time than I'll know what to do with.

Is it weird that, as much as I hate school and am SO happy to be DONE, I think I'll miss it? Not that I'll miss the homework and the lectures, but I'll miss having something to do, making friends, and discussing literature. ("Who gives a f*** about an Oxford comma?" I do.)

That said, I promise to post about Muse and Coachella ASAP.

Oh, and "D" guess what. I'm going to Sting and the Royal Philharmonic. Ask me how freakin' excited I am. Go ahead. Ask.

Excitement

In seven days: Muse

In seventeen days: road trip to Coachella

In thirty-two days: graduation

And later this summer:

(with some luck and love) Sting and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra

James Taylor and Carole King

home to California for the Heywood family reunion

...and anything else that presents itself (like hopefully a new job and new living arrangements)

For some reason, I absolutely love this photo. It has something to do with the cuteness of Jana's little smile and the dress she's wearing, Marie rubbing her eye and holding that little flute, and my hair with the funky crimp in it, probably from having it up and then taking it down. And the purple pants. Also the tree. I have such fond memories of that tree. It was the landmark that told people which house was ours. "The one with the big Chinese elm in the middle of the yard." And the wall behind us, aka "the balance beam." Oh, the hours spent doing "gymnastics" on our "balance beam." It also has something to do with the image itself. The sharp contrast between the focus on us three girls, and the fuzzy plants and wall behind us. I wish I knew what year this was taken. I think it had to have been just before I started kindergarten, which was the same year we moved into the house, and the year David was born.

I read a post on Facebook the other day by a friend who wished for the days of her childhood, to go back to when her biggest stress was when she couldn't find her Barbie doll. I sometimes think back to my days as a kid, spending all summer outside and shoeless, riding bikes around town with my friends, putting on plays and making up dances with the neighbors, when my biggest stress was not being able to get my little brothers and sisters to do what I told them to do. Those were great days. They were fun. But as great and fun as they were, I don't want to go back. There are so many great and fun things to look forward to that I don't want to spend time living in the past. I look forward to my future. I just hope I can make it a good one.

Nickelback or...?

Jana and I played a game today.

"If you had to listen to only Nickelback or Britney Spears the rest of your life, which would you choose?" Britney, hands down.

Nickelback or Christina Aguilera? Christina.

Nickelback or 98 Degrees? 98 Degrees.

Nickelback or Evanescence? Eww... I can't... Uh... Evanescence, I guess.

Nickelback or Linkin Park? Agh. Gross. Well, if I have to choose... Linkin Park.

Nickelback or Fergie? Just Fergie--no Black-Eyed Peas? Um... neither.

Question: who would you rather listen to over Nickelback? I guess, for me, it's pretty much anyone. Except Fergie.

I've been thinking...

Miracles happen.

Thinking about things you're looking forward to helps to lift your mood.

Prayer is can be a real communication with God.

Laughter releases endorphins.

Life.

I'm gonna be 30 soon.

Well, OK. I'm gonna be 30 in two and a half years. But that's soon.

While getting ready for church on Sunday morning, I stopped and just stared at myself in the mirror for a while, looking at the wrinkles that are beginning to appear, the spots that weren't there before, my hair that has changed so much since high school--no longer thick and full like it was, but kinda straggly and dull--and I kept thinking, "I'm almost 30. When did that happen? How did I get this old so fast?"

I despaired.

I'm getting older, and I'm finally graduating from college. Now what? I thought I'd be married by now, and have kids to take care of and a husband to feed. I have no idea what I'm going to do as far as a job or career goes. I have no prospects staring me in the face. No opportunity has presented itself so that the next step becomes an easy one. I have no clue what to do with my life.

After a while, I literally picked myself up off the floor and looked at myself again. I'm only 27. My wrinkles represent all of the smiling I've done so far in life. The spots mean I've spent some time in the sun. And my hair isn't dull or lifeless when I spend a little time doing something with it. I'm not really old. I'm just getting older. I almost have a BA in English. I can find opportunities to use what I've learned and grow in new ways.

I am intelligent, responsible, strong, creative, happy, and beautiful.

I am a daughter of God.