Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Love and Babies

I'm sure you're all sick of hearing me say it, but I'm going to anyway: I want a baby.

Have you seen Baby Mama? OK, it may not be the best example, but that whole opening sequence with Tina Fey seeing babies everywhere... that's how I feel! They're everywhere! Everyone is having babies except me.

Of course, I want to get married first. And so as well as seeing babies everywhere, I'm seeing new romances blooming, new engagements happening, new married couples. And I keep thinking, "Why not me?"

I suppose it's just not time for me to be married or a mom. It's heartbreaking, really. It's hard to stay positive and faithful about my future in this area when I'm feeling older and less attractive everyday. I feel like this may never happen for me, and it's just so depressing.

I know, it's totally lame. I'm having a pity party and no one's invited but me. I just need to let it out. Why not blog it? Hmph.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I Am the Messenger

What's this book trying to tell me?

I wonder this a lot as I'm reading... what do these words mean to me? Why am I so enamored with them? Or, worse, why do they feel so yucky? They're just words.

"I didn't know words could be so heavy." (from I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak)

Man, are they ever.

I wish I had more of a grasp on words and that I knew how to better use them. Unfortunately, all I really do well with words is read them, and even then the messages are sometimes completely lost on me.

But not with this book. I Am the Messenger has found its way to my core. I love these words. I wish I could tell you why, but I can't. It's something in the book. Something in the way Zusak uses words. Something in the message.

You'll have to read it for yourself.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

On Mothers...

Moms are the best, are they not? I love my momma.

But Carrie's momma is crazy.
As weird as this is for me to admit, I think reading stuff like
Harry Potter and the Twilight series helped me see through the magical/mystical/paranormal stuff in Carrie by Stephen King. I know, I know: totally lame. But it's kinda true. As things started flying and we were "inside" Carrie's head, I laughed. I'm heartless, right? It's not that I didn't feel bad for Carrie--poor, poor crazy girl. What I really mean is that it didn't scare me as much as I thought it would, and I think that's because I've been desensitized to the paranormal from reading stuff on the lighter side. Does that even make a tiny bit of sense?
Having said that, I think the movie would freak me out. That scene when she's just suddenly in front of the car with a knife in her shoulder, blood all over, dress torn and dirty... whoa. Pretty sure it will give me nightmares after only seeing it in my head.

On a much much happier note: I really do love my momma. She's the best. All moms are pretty freakin' awesome. Think of all they do, all they sacrifice, all the heartache and worrying, all of the service and love..... Where would this world be without our wonderful Moms? Happy (late) Mother's Day to all the mothers in my life, and all those mothers who did their best to do right by their children, and to all of the future mothers, just waiting to give their love to future children, and all those women who nurture because it's just in our nature! Yay for Moms!!

Graduation: Done!

(I apologize for the lack of Grad Pics--I need to ask Mom, Heather, Jana, and Grandpa to share what the pictures they took)

My wonderful and amazing parents came up to hear my name announced and see me walk across the stage as I FINALLY graduated from college. Mom informed me later that there was a “c” next to my name, meaning I graduated Magna Cum Laude. Huh. Well, I knew that in my second to last semester I had a 3.67, I just wasn’t positive I would keep that up in my last semester, since I was carrying 18 credits and was completely out of gas and no longer cared about getting As. Well, yesterday I got my grades for my final semester of university life: I really did graduation Cum Laude: 3.66 cumulative GPA. Nice. Not sure how I pulled it off, and I’m pretty darn sure I didn’t deserve most if not all of the high grades I got in my last semester, but I’m not gonna complain.

Anyway, back to graduation. It’s an interesting experience, really. A bit like high school graduation minus the idiots. It was really great to sit with my English Major buddies for both ceremonies. We missed the ones who weren’t with us (not that they weren’t eligible, they just weren’t there), but we had a lot of fun together, talking and laughing when we probably should have been paying attention, getting antsy when the speeches were on the long side, wishing it was just over, and yet (somehow) still living in the moment.

It was so fun to look up in the stands and see my mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, and two of my sisters. I felt loved and supported, and that’s just a really, really great feeling. It made me smile and it kept that smile on my face. I love my family so much.

We celebrated with Pier 49 Pizza, salad, and soda. We just sat around Heather’s living room and chatted and ate and enjoyed one another. I’m glad we went with “at home” instead of “eating out.” It was fun to play with the kids and talk with my family without worrying about making messes and getting too loud or staying too long. BONUS: we got to watch the kids’ school play on DVD. Oh, how I love to watch Hunter and Courtney sing and dance in ‘the Jungle Book.’ Good good times.

(Random side note: I’m listening to a song called “Marlene” by Lightspeed Champion, and these lyrics caught my attention: “Everybody knows you want a baby / And God knows everybody wants one too...” I’ve never heard this song before, but I think it warrants another listen.)

Saturday was a.... I was gonna say “special day,” but that would be borrowing lyrics of a Primary song. Saturday was great. The family and some friends were able to attend the temple with Jana as she received her endowment. I love that I was able to be there. (Only one sibling away from having the whole immediate family in the temple together, and he should be going through in less than a year... we’re pretty stinking excited about this!) After the temple, we had a big ol’ Chinn family get-together at the grandparent’s house. Food. Lots and lots of food. And talking and laughing and stories. And presents. Yes, my family showed their love again my showering me with graduation presents. I am the proud new owner of a Janome sewing machine, with a carrying case and a basket of sewing stuff (scissors, seam ripper, ruler, pins), thanks to the grandparents, uncles, aunts, and parents! And I have a brand new, shiny, beautiful copy of ‘The Giving Tree’ by Shel Silverstein (my favorite book), and ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ by Eric Carle from Marie. And some cash from Heather and family. And ‘I Am the Messenger’ by Markus Zusak from Jana, along with some bookmarks--panda shaped, of course (Jacob thinks the pandas should be purple for some reason...he’s a funny kid). [This is not at all a complete list of the awesome gifts given from family and friends. I’m a very lucky girl.]

Sunday was awesome as well. We had a potluck with the friends at the Fort (aka the house Jana lives in with all of her awesome and crazy housemates in Provo) to celebrate me being a grownup, and Jana being a real woman. (ha!) It was so fun to spend some time hanging out with some pretty awesome people on a lovely Sunday afternoon.

Anyway, to make a long story longer, we had a fun time together. My friends a the best. I feel pretty lucky to have such great people to associate with, in school and out of school. And we had a great time with Mom and Dad here. I wish they were here more often. I feel extremely blessed to be a part of the wonderful family I was born into. They’re all amazing and I love them with all my heart.